Only the moment you reject all help are you freed.”

Buddha

This desire to be happy is the motivating force behind every single thing that we do from the moment we wake up to the time we fall asleep.

If we can’t face ourselves and recognize that we are the source of our own happiness, what chance do we have?

At first I thought this would be an easy topic. Five things that bring me happiness. Simple. But then I started to actually think about it. What makes me happy might not make you happy (and vice versa).

So I asked around for what others thought brings them happiness, hoping for at least a couple of unanimous points. The responses were as random and varied as lottery results.

The more common replies were related to friends, family and health. While all of these do bring most people happiness, my concern was with those who preferred being alone and people in poor health.

If I included these things, what does this mean for them? Is it impossible for the loners and the sick to be happy? I don’t think so.

Borrowing a page from Buddhist philosophy

Buddhists recognize that happiness — unfailing happiness — can only be found internally. The goal is to stop trying to change the world around us to bring happiness, but to change our minds.

Anything external that we chase cannot bring everlasting happiness, only temporary and fleeting happiness; at some point it will let us down.

Many things that we think will bring us happiness — a new car, new house, more friends — usually just cause us more pain and suffering. We’re constantly worried someone’s going to scratch or bump our vehicle, rob our home, or break our hearts and hurt our feelings. A source of true happiness would not be able to cause us any suffering.

To find happiness is a lofty goal and takes a dedication that most of us aren’t willing to give, even though it’s in our own best interests. Instead, we continue to try to shape the world outside us, rather than trying to fix the inside.

Here are five points to ponder as you search for your own happiness:

1. Introspection

Facing your demons…being a victim. ‘Everything is always wrong for me, nobody understands’. It took me years of not being honest with myself, running from the truth, denying what was in my face, blaming everybody else. ‘She’s nasty, he is nasty, look at them’…but then there was a common denominator: Me

If we can’t face ourselves and recognize that we are the source of our own happiness, what chance do we have? Happiness is not “out there.” It’s in here. Easy to say, hard to put into practice.

But the first step to solving a problem is to recognize the source of it. Once we admit to ourselves that we — and only we — are responsible for our own happiness, then we can move forward in trying to attain it.

2. Freedom

I do think people could fall into the trap of understanding freedom as ‘I do what I like’. I don’t really think that’s freedom because you’re still bound by your desires. So where is the freedom? Freedom would be…you understand your desires, the compulsion of those desires, the addiction of that, and you are able to transcend that. Otherwise…your passion is determining your behaviour.

Freedom as we know it is not true freedom. And this “freedom” will not bring us happiness.

Freedom and restraint are two sides of one thing. How can there be freedom without restraint? It’s impossible. – Prof Xu Yuangzhong

3. Compassion

Why are we compassionate towards friends and family, but rarely towards strangers? It’s because we share a connection with our family and friends, either through blood or through similar interests.

What if we could find a connection with complete strangers? With the rest of humanity? Might it make us more compassionate towards everybody? Because we do share something common: everybody — no exceptions — wants to be happy.

This desire to be happy is the motivating force behind every single thing that we do, from the moment we wake up to the time we fall asleep. So recognizing that the people we see on TV, the people we pass on the street, the people we’ve never seen and never will see — want to be happy. Just like us.

Compassion gained through accepting this will make us better humans, will help us help each other, and will help to make ourselves happy.

4. Generosity

The mind has a very bad habit, which we call self-cherishing. And I call it ‘What about me?’…it’s a bore. And it’s a drag. And nobody wants to hear it. So you can get off of it. And give. That’s all. GIVE. Be here and give. Connect with people…and you’re so busy giving, you don’t have time to think about yourself…um, you’re going be a lot happier.

This is closely linked to compassion. After gaining compassion comes our willingness to help out others, even complete strangers.

5. Contentment

If you substitute ‘content’ for ‘happy’ you’ll probably find that you’re happy. ‘Cause we’ve associated happiness with laughing and smiling…throwing beach balls to your children…

So I’ve thought maybe I’m not happy. If you switch it for content…the practice of contentment…’oh god I’m happy. I’m a happy man.

I would venture to guess that all of us, anyone right now who is reading this article, has everything they need to be happy. So why does continued happiness seem so elusive?

In general, we may say we’re happy. We might even have those moments where we sit back and realize how privileged we are, count our lucky stars, and genuinely feel like we have the world in our palms.

But how long does this last? How long until the next person pisses us off, until we see the next thing we “need,” until the next feelings of anxiousness steal away our happiness? If we can make the wanting stop and be content with what we have, we would find we can be more consistently happy.

Dr. JP Bonnifay
CEO & Lead Consultant
HPI Sdn. Bhd.

I have been asked recently, as an expert in Emotional Intelligence, how can we smile more and become happier… I was puzzled!

More so because there is no miracle solution.

And if I had invented that…. I would not be writing on this social network!

I would be sailing around the world… a big smile on my face!

Having said that, I do agree… Happiness…. Smiling… 2 essential components of a balance state of mind. One very intimately linked to the other. 

I am doing a lot of work on the topic of Research of Happiness and how does Happiness promote productivity. Countries now measure the GNH (Gross National Happiness).

Today, just a few words on The power of smiling! 

Smiling is a great way to make yourself stand out while helping your body to function better.

Smile to improve your health, your stress level, and your attractiveness.

1. Smiling Makes Us Attractive

We are drawn to people who smile. There is an attraction factor. We want to know a smiling person and figure out what is so good. Frowns, scowls and grimaces all push people away — but a smile draws them in (avoid these smile aging habits to keep your smile looking great).

2. Smiling Relieves Stress

Stress can really show up in our faces.

Smiling helps to prevent us from looking tired, worn down, and overwhelmed. When you are stressed, take time to put on a (real) smile. The stress should be reduced and you’ll be better able to take action.

3. Smiling Boosts Your Immune System

Smiling helps the immune system to work better. When you smile, immune function improves possibly because you are more relaxed.

4. Smiling Lowers Your Blood Pressure

When you smile, there is a measurable reduction in your blood pressure. Give it a try if you have a blood pressure monitor at home. Sit for a few minutes, take a reading.

Then smile for a minute and take another reading while still smiling. Do you notice a difference?

Studies have shown that smiling releases endorphins, natural painkillers, and serotonin. Together these three make us feel good.

Smiling is a natural drug.

Enough for today! 
And if you don’t feel like smiling…. Use a bit of manipulation…. Send this message to those around you! Maybe they will make you smile!

Have a wonderful day!

Dr. JP Bonnifay
CEO & Lead Consultant
HPI Sdn. Bhd.

When you feel: CALM & CLEAR
                                Your life is: Smooth & Focused

When you feel: GRATEFUL & HAPPY
                         Your life is: Productive and Creative

When you feel: PASSIONATE
                                    Your life is: Energized, Connected and Miraculous

Do you want to your life to feel energized, connected and miraculous?

Then do the Passion Quest….

Sometimes our passions lie below the surface. It has been so long since we have fed our passions, we forget what they look and feel like. The following exercise will help you to get back in touch with your life’s passions. You need at least 30 minutes in a comfortable place to adequately do this exercise.

It is best to do this with a buddy. Answer the questions out loud. Speaking about your passions with someone else who cares helps you to recall the wonderful feelings they inspire.

STEP #1

Go beyond your logical brain and into your emotional brain. From here, you can find the truth about what you love and what you most desire in life.

CHOOSE AND COMPLETE THREE OF THE FOLLOWING FIVE EXERCISES

· Name the last movie you saw that you loved. Tell what you liked about the story.

· Describe what you like and don’t like about a book you are reading.

· List three of your favorite smells. Describe what the smells remind you of.

· List three of your favorite comfort food. Describe when you last ate these foods.

· List three of your favorite sounds. Explore what you feel when you hear these

sounds and why.

STEP #2

AFTER COMPLETING STEP #1, CAN YOU NAME WHAT YOU ARE PASSIONATE ABOUT IN LIFE? IF NOT, ANSWER 2-3 OF THE FOLLOWING QUESTIONS.

· What was one of the best days of your life so far?

· What would you like to be your first thought in the morning?

· Recite your favorite saying or prayer.

· Finish this sentence…If I had a lot of money, I would… After you do what you think you would do with the money, what would you do?

· Finish this sentence...”If I had all the time in the world, I would…”

STEP #3

AFTER COMPLETING STEP #2, CAN YOU NAME YOUR PASSION? IF NOT, ANSWER THESE QUESTIONS. TAKE YOUR TIME TO CONNECT WITH THE TRUTH.

· What questions do you ask yourself when you are alone in your darkest moments?

· What prison are you struggling to free yourself from? What will you do when you are free?

NOW…. GIVE VOICE TO YOUR PASSION.

Note: If you are feeling sad and cannot sense your passion, take the time to think about your answers. Write them down in a journal. See what bubbles up in a few days.

Going into your emotional brain may be uncomfortable for some people if it has been a while since you have ventured there. Yet, if you do this exercise a few times, you will be amazed at the wisdom that comes forth. You need access to this part of your brain to make the right choices for you happiness, health and freedom in life.

Do parts or all of this exercise before you start your day, make an important decision or go to an important meeting. You may do the first part of the exercise with your team to share your passions, especially before you go into problem-solving mode. You might be surprised if you do this exercise with friends or family; maybe you don’t really know what they are passionate about. Wouldn’t it be a nice way to get to know each other better?

If all of the above does not work……… you need help! FAST!!!!

However I am confident you will have rediscovered a bit of yourself that you had forgotten for a long time, or never taken care of!

I leave you for today with my warmest wishes to reaching your passions!

Dr. JP Bonnifay
CEO & Lead Consultant
HPI Sdn. Bhd.

Without ever actually supplying to my friends and readers a simple definition of what it is, in a very simple way.

By training and taste for explaining how things work, I have a tendency to systematically bring a scientific dimension to my work. But I think I need to consider the theory I always apply when I do not understand a concept or an application: “Talk to me as if I was a 6 years old” And then, out of complexity, I can redefine the concept.

Allow me this nutshell:

The essence of Emotional Intelligence is having your Emotions work for you and not against you.

Being Emotionally Intelligent involves tuning into emotions, understanding them and taking appropriate actions.

And please do not think that you can avoid, ignore or even suppress your emotions as physiologically, any action is only taken after being filtered through our emotional brain. This where we store all our memories, and this is the tollgate to all our analysis, thoughts, and human decision process. In other words… We make all our choices after having processed the information through our set of emotions.

So the question, do we choose to make them work for us or against us?

A lot of motivational speakers tell us how we are suppose to be positive or influential or leaders…. And they tell us how we need to give ourselves a big pat on the back and tell ourselves how great and amazing we are., how when there is a will there is a way etc..

I feel we need to go deeper in ourselves first… we need to understand what makes us tick, how we are wired, and only then, when we have discovered ourselves, the “real self”, not the corporate or the “I want to be one”, then only we can start to find the strength to lead ourselves and then eventually to lead others. Any effort prior to this mapping is only tainted by a lot of defense mechanism on which our subconscious mind is focusing hence your brain is only reacting to situations outside in, rather then being proactive, inside out.. Only the true you can win and can gain in power, confidence and influencing skills.

Do you ever walk into a room where you notice a person who is attractive, physically (and it has nothing to do with esthetics) as well as psychologically, someone who attentively listens to you, smiles in a true way, in a way that gives you the will to smile and to open yourself to share and to listen. This person is tagged with attributes of charisma and charm. You are attracted by this person because he or she is willing to share and to care, because that person does not have all those little devils on his shoulder telling him to take precautions, to set barriers or to listen to preconceived ideas or prejudices.

This person very certainly would score high on the EQ scale (the measurement for Emotional Intelligence)

The bad news, is that we cannot become Emotionally Intelligent after having read Daniel Goleman, or even after having attended to my work-shops (thank God, otherwise, my career would be short lived!)

It takes time, discipline, realization, self-control and a lot of motivation.

The good news: We can all do it… One step at a time. The first step being that of self realization. This is probably the hardest thing to do, but it can be done. You cannot re-wire your brain, but you can outsmart it and learn how to make this amazing complex piece of machinery work for you instead of against you.

In line with this effort, you will see your leadership, your productivity, your creativity, and your peace of mind increase dramatically. This is a life long effort, but most importantly a life changing operation.

Imagine what Emotional Intelligence can do to you.

Imagine what Emotional Intelligence can do to your organization…

I hope this has opened your mind a bit on this amazing skill, and that you will all look forward to participating in this quest for success, happiness and realization, which is within everyone’s reach.

Dr. JP Bonnifay
CEO & Lead Consultant
HPI Sdn. Bhd.

This article was a bit long to come as I was bouncing ideas on what to share with all my friends this month.

And then of course I looked at the news on CNN, BBC, Aljazeera… and everyone is talking of the “Road to Recovery”… Which in a sense makes me feel good, as probably 3,5 billion people in the earth. The rest of the Earth population wont see the difference as 1) they don’t have electricity, let alone a cable TV, and anyway, for them, the worry is not to know if the Nasdaq went up by 2 points or that the CAC 40 is recovering…2) that population is worried about living through he day…

However, I salute the change of direction of the wind of information hitting the public. In those few last month, the world economy was doomed…. And now by some miracle…. We are on the Road to Recovery.

At last somebody has understood that by systematically spreading bad news all the motivational structures, weather they be corporate or at individual level would shrink and go into hibernation, in mare survival mode, until the spring appears, and at last a few shrubs of green shows it’s shy bits through the heavy mantle of snow and ice… and all of a sudden we fall back to where we were before. And that is where the danger is….. We have not learnt the lesson…. We still hope that someone else is going to do the job for us of straightening up the economy and the global finance.

Reality check: it is not going to happen… We need to change at Culture level. Which entails that we need to change our behaviors and to do so, attack our habits.

It gives me a bit the impression we have when we go on a holiday, and meet new people with whom we realize we could not spend the rest of our life without, and then we become best friends, find a whole lot of common things that we like or know, and promise ourselves to stay in contact for the rest of our lives. And then, after 1 month back at work… the thrill is gone, the excitement is forgotten…. And so are they….

All our resolutions made in the vortex of this crisis are stored in exactly the same box in our brain. It’s some kind of big black box, where we stuff all our New Year Resolutions, new friendships, Crisis Management decisions etc…

We should pay more attention to that Bi Black Bag. It contains a lot of amazing ideas that could actually set us free for the rest of our life and protect us from many hurdles in the road. All those new ideas or concepts, whether they be our invention or someone else’s but we decided to adopt them, they have been elaborated in a stage of our brain where we receive the most irrigation in all it’s parts, where our creativity level is triggered by a sense of survival where we are goingt o go to all possible extents in order either to say alive or to please ourselves.

When I say to stay alive, we have to understand it in a very large sense of the term. We might not be at danger of life or death…. But life as we knew it might be compromised if nothing is done. And it is our individual responsibility to do something about it and to stick to our decisions and resolutions.

I had a feeling that during the black month of this crisis, we became a little bit more empathetic, listening and understanding other people’s issues, as they might be ours very soon… And yet, the second we realized that we are going to survive this, we are going to get out of that tunnel, all of sudden, we jumped the gun and became the individualistic monsters we were prior to the drop to f the bomb.

Bizarrely, I noticed that in a very strange environment: the driving arena…. For some month, I noticed less aggressivity, more courtesy, (although there is a lot to do there) But now that we are regaining our confidence, we fall back to where we were before, and sometimes we even fall back further. The feeling of “if I survived this, I must be invincible” so we look at the world with a certain type of arrogance.

Your brain is really playing amazing tricks on you. It takes you through all types of Psychological states, in which each state is accompanied by a score of physical reactions, and according to the environment, it will make you jump around and react according to what he thinks is appropriate. And yet we could do a lot to influence that and to actually take control of  our Brain.

I think that today is the good time to take charge and decide to make a difference. Look at yourself and look at what are the essential values that made you go through this difficult period and come out alive and kicking. Hone those values and share them with the people around you. You will realize that you are not the only one and that must of us have gone through this, alone. Now is time to get pay back. It is time for you to realize who has helped you, who needs help, and who you should delete from your Christmas Card list.

I can see around me a number of people who are going in directions that for some will take them right back to where they were… those usually complain a lot and are waiting for the others to do something about everything, and those whoa actually rode the wave and decide that those events would be a catalyzeur for their lives and successes and amazing levels of self and corporate leaderships qualities have spurred out of this,

Be one of them. Increase your level of influence over things. I cannot recommend enough to throw a positive and motivated outlook on all our hard times and decide to do something about it. We all now that etymologically, the word MOIVATION comes from MOTARE, which means to move in Latin. That is what we should do. Move, do new things, take strong resolutions and stick to them, do not store them in that big black box in your brain. Count on yourselves and help people to count on themselves and reach levels of motivational independence.

We should all make something out of this Global Crisis and make this Road to Recovery, your Road to Discovery and re-invent new things…

Dr. JP Bonnifay
CEO & Lead Consultant
HPI Sdn. Bhd.

Well in an very positive way, I would say it puts us in a place where we have never been before. We are today at the cross roads of most of our life’s. We reached a tipping Point, and someone else punched us over…. So now we need to swim, Problem: some of us can swim, but the old way, with the current, and some of us can’t swim, so we need to learn. And I think this is where our survival stands, in our will and ability to move forward.

I usually don’t read the news paper in the morning as I am a firm believer in the Golden Hour…. That one hour after you wake up that will determine the mood of your day, or in other words, your psychological barometer…. So starting your day reading the newspaper might not be the best thing….. Did you ever see on the Front page any kind of good news? Never! It would not sell. It’s actually interesting that people pay money to buy newspaper and magazines that tell them how critical their condition is and how horrible it’s going to get, and then pay more money they go lie down on the couches of Psychologists, who listen to what is going wrong in their lives and then go spend more money to buy Xanax and Prozak or Valium to forget all the bad news and live on some kind of medical induced cloud….

And then I noticed this afternoon – as I was sitting in a waiting room – an article from a local Newspaper, staging a  few steps to success. Of course the usual: “in the middle of every difficulty lies opportunity” What actually attracted my attention was the rest of the article. As what we all need in our life today are not measure  shift in paradigms, which are very scary…. We need little tips, easy to implement and that can have almost immediate results.

In all my work in Emotional Intelligence, whether it be in training, coaching or mentoring, I have always asked the people I worked with to go for incremental changes…. Do not go for 180 degree changes, they are to hard to manage, unless you really need a massive break in your life. In most of the cases… mark my words, chew the elephant one bite at a time!

In this morning’s article, I read 4 pointers to follow: Re-invent yourself, Upgrade Yourself, Break your Routine, Grow your knowledge.

This is totally in the line of my guidance. And I will give you a few more ideas that you will find elaborated in my next book:

Start your day in a positive way, plan Black Out Times, Work out regularly (don’t aim at looking like Arnold Schwarzenegger), get up earlier then you use to, but insure at least 6 or 7 hours of sleep, write handwritten letters, look at situation from other’s perspective, look at situations proactively rather then reactively, challenge the conventional…..

I don’t want to tell you more as I am a firm believer in changing our life, step by step, and in today’s environment, the learning to take from the global turmoil is that we all need to do things differently. There is no more place for the routine of life as it was, we definitely need to re-invent ourselves.

This is in perfect alignment with the concepts of Emotional Intelligence I have been advocating for so long.

Start to take charge of your life and influence others.

Dr. JP Bonnifay
CEO & Lead Consultant
HPI Sdn. Bhd.

As the year starts, so does the implementation of those year-end resolutions!

We’ll do things different, we’ll make changes, and we’ll eventually become that transition figure,

That person who stops the transmission of negative behaviors to others.

And then, the routine comes back in, then twirl of mundane activities sucks us back into our spiral of work and behavior, and all the euphoria is gone.

And yet, everyone agrees that this year should be a good one. The stock markets are stable, the retail sentiment is oscillating towards a positive positioning, even the Auto industry, the big victim of last year’s crisis, is looking better.

Now how is it that we, should not be reflecting a little bit of that positively at our personal level and to the people immediately surrounding us.

In order to gain a few degrees of rectification in our direction, I would like to share with you a few ideas that might help you in your ability to influence people…. And keep in mind that if you influence them, eventually, they will come back to you. This is based on the Giver’s Gain principle.

Tip #1: Help people know they can accomplish more than they thought they could. Stand for what is possible not just in your organization, but also for each individual including low performers. Your belief in them will often change their minds.

Tip #2: Truly see people. Know what their joys in life are. Know what they hope for. Know what they think stands in their way. Do not let anyone feel invisible. All elements of the economical and social chain have a purpose and a value. Recognize it. Feeling visible inspires his dedication and achievement and sense of ownership.

Tip #3: When people come to you for advice, don’t give it to them right away. Discern what they know and fear first, and then discover the answers together. Being “the one who knows” stunts their growth. As head of department or organization, CEOs, managers, and supervisors can ask the right questions in the right contexts. This empowers coworkers, opening the door to greater productivity and creativity.

Tip #4: Forgive. What truly inspired a change I behavior after having taken a wrong turn is the ability to forgive. We are not here to dwell on failures, hesitation or passed history. Our mission is to make history. This required hope, not revenge.

As a leader, you are an example whether you are consciously choosing your behavior or not. Don’t let past transgressions and current fears dictate your behavior. Be clear about your mission, and then see the gifts each person brings to the table. People will follow you based on how you acknowledge and treat them. No matter how brilliant you are, you must show that you care about them to engage their commitment to you and your cause. You can do this if you remain the master of your brain, commandeering your emotions and your actions in the service of your vision.

With those few words, I would like to extend to you my warmest wishes for a Happy new decade. May it be truly amazing!

Dr. JP Bonnifay
CEO & Lead Consultant
HPI Sdn. Bhd.

I am wondering in what direction we should be looking and working in order to ride this wave and come out of it stronger maybe even a little bit more prepared for the next wave that could hit us.

And then I realized that there is not much we can do about what is outside of our circle of influence. Are we victim of the sub primes scandals, of the giddiness of the banking system in the US? Our economy is in some sorts. Not that the means are not there, just that they are now well protected and shy to come out… So what should we do? Are we to be limiting our actions and reactions to commenting the latest article on the Herald tribune or the latest analysis of the recently appointed American Presidential Economical Advisor, who says to the world ( 3 days before Christmas) that the situation is going to get much worse before it gets any better…

I have a tendency to expect from those people to give us some kind of solution…. Not more food for our now embedded morosity.

My daughter recently sent me a couple of interesting definitions:

What is a Banker: Someone who is willing to lend you money if you can prove to him that you do not need it, a honorable man who will gladly lend you an umbrella when the weather is beautiful and will reclaim as soon as it starts to rain.

What is an Economist: An expert who will know tomorrow why what he predicted yesterday did not happen today.

In view of this I decided to take a proactive attitude in whatever I can influence. In my workshops, I often emphasize on the idea that we should invest the energy we are using on focusing on unproductive tasks or thoughts on the areas that we can actually influence and do something about.

Steven Covey has to that effect created an amazing tool With the Circles of Influence and Circle of Concern, which I nut-shelled as such:

Proactive Focus – Positive energy, enlarging your Circle of Influence, YOU control IT

Reactive Focus – Negative Energy, Reduces your Circle of Influence, IT controls YOU

If you are like me, not whishing to be labeled, or even associated to the second scenario, their is one thing that you can do to start to change things for yourself. Actually, there are much more then one…. But I only have so many words allocated to me in this December Issue of Emotional Intelligence Tips…. So I’ll give you a few pointers…. Check out the activities posted in “Small Steps To Being Emotionally Intelligent”

Dr. JP Bonnifay
CEO & Lead Consultant
HPI Sdn. Bhd.

]]> http://jeromebonnifay.com/2008/12/22/december-22-2008-kuala-lumpur/feed/ http://jeromebonnifay.com/2008/12/22/small-steps-to-being-emotionally-intelligent/ http://jeromebonnifay.com/2008/12/22/small-steps-to-being-emotionally-intelligent/#comments Mon, 22 Dec 2008 07:10:02 +0000 admin http://jeromebonnifay.com/?p=150 Please consider this as my very personal Christmas Gift to you. You do not have to do all that I recommend in the list, but those you do, do them in a committed conscious way, with a purpose. I welcome all your feed backs and comments and also encourage you to share your experiences and the outcomes of those activities.

As a first Item, I would request right down your decisions as a commitment to yourselves. Call it your New Year resolution if it pleases you.

Dr. JP Bonnifay
CEO & Lead Consultant
HPI Sdn. Bhd.

So many times we see in our year end resolutions the same “I’ll start Monday” promises. Today, I want it to be different. Today I would like for us together to work at one of the elements that will in time become an invaluable commodity; that is your Emotional Intelligence. Unfortunately, there are no quick fix to become Emotionally Intelligence, however, we need to decide to start. And today might be just the right timing. As it is, when  our Global Environment will look better, you will need to have that edge that will make you more attractive, more likeable, and eventually more valuable….

So turn your PDA on, go to 31 December on your agenda and list down the following list.

BZW, DO IT!!!!! Write it down….. If you don’t write it, you don’t own it!

Write your own personal season greetings cards

The task: Delete all those e-card provider websites you preciously keep in your keychains, list down all the people

You wish to send  Season Greeting Cards to ( don’t forget to source their addresses). Do 3 separate lists: Friends, Family, Work / Other. Tally the number of peole on your list, then, either design  a card and print it, or buy the cards, envelops, stamps. Write down BY HAND ( Not by computer generated stickers) and then feed every card in an envelop, after having personalized and signed each card. You do not include your signature in the printing of the card!

The reason: Think about the last time you received a post-card or a greeting card. Did that not make you feel good? Did you value the fact that the card is addressed to you personally and is hand signed with eventually a personal word?

Do you anytime see on the fridge door or on the partition of a cubical the print out of an 2-card?

Make the effort. Chances are you will actually write less, but the result is going to be so much more! Predominantly because you have implemented one of the fundamentals of EI: Manage Relationships. I personal card will give you a great amount of mileage where as en e-card will make you be part of the pack, no differenciation, no attractivity.

Catch some ZZZZZZ….

The task: Get a good night’s sleep. If you have trouble falling asleep, make sure your bedroom is quiet and dark, learn some deep relaxation techniques, and avoid alcohol and caffeine after noon.

The reason: Scientists believe that our brains consolidate learning and memories during sleep. Studies have shown that people who don’t sleep enough have more trouble learning new information — while sleeping well after learning something new helps the brain effectively put that information into long-term memory.

Choose the rocky road

The task: Take a walk on a cobblestone path. 


The reason: Scientists believe that walking on uneven surfaces like cobblestones improves the vestibular system of the inner ear, which plays a central role in balance and equilibrium. Cobblestone walking challenges the vestibular system in ways that improve its function, which translates into better balance — the key to preventing serious injuries. Don’t hesitate to transpose this activity into your every day life. Don’t not opt systematically for the easy path. Challenge yourself.

Do a jigsaw puzzle

The task: Put together a jigsaw puzzle that will be challenging for you — no fewer than 500 pieces.

The reason: Mundane as they may seem, jigsaw puzzles can provide real help for your brain. Completing one requires fine visual judgments about where pieces belong. It entails mentally “rotating” the pieces, manipulating them in your hands and shifting your attention from the small piece to the “big picture.” To top it off, it’s rewarding to find the right pieces.

Exercise your peripheral vision

The task: Sit in a place outside your house, such as on a park bench or in a café. Stare straight ahead and don’t

move your eyes. Concentrate on everything you can see without moving your eyes, including in your peripheral vision. When you have finished, write a list of everything you saw. Then try again and see if you can add to your list.

The reason: Scientists have shown that the neurotransmitter acetylcholine, which is crucial to focus and memory, falls off with memory loss and is almost absent in Alzheimer’s patients. This activity should help you reinvigorate the controlled release of acetylcholine in your brain through a useful visual memory task.

Learn to play a new instrument

The task: If you’ve ever thought about learning to play an instrument or take up an old one, now is a great time!

The reason: Playing an instrument helps you exercise many interrelated dimensions of brain function, including listening, control of refined movements and translation of written notes (sight) to music (movement and sound).

Get exercise

The task: Brain health is another reason to get on your bicycle, to the swimming pool or to wherever else you like to exercise your body.

The reason: New research indicates that exercise has positive benefits for the hippocampus, a brain structure that’s important for learning and memory. Some studies even suggest that regular exercise is related to a delay in the onset of Alzheimer’s disease.

Learn to use your “other” hand

The task: If you’re right-handed, use your left hand for daily activities (or vice versa). Start with brushing your teeth left-handed, and practice until you have perfected it. Then try to build your way up to more complex tasks such as eating.

The reason: This is an exercise in which you know what you’re supposed to achieve but must do it in a new and demanding learning context. Doing such an activity can drive your brain to make positive changes. Think of millions of neurons learning new tricks as you finally establish better control of that other hand!

Memorize a song

The task: Choose a song with lyrics you enjoy but don’t have memorized. Listen to the song as many times as necessary to write down all the lyrics. Then learn to sing along. Once you’ve mastered one song, move on to another!

The reason: Developing better habits of careful listening will help you in your understanding, thinking and remembering. Reconstructing the song requires close attentional focus and an active memory. When you focus, you release the neurotransmitter acetylcholine, a brain chemical that enables plasticity and vivifies memory.

Turn down your television

The task: Set your TV volume down a little from where you normally have it set. Concentrate and see if you can follow along just as successfully as when the volume was higher. As soon as that setting gets easy, turn it down another notch!

The reason: Think of this: You can’t get rid of radio static by turning up the volume. Many people raise the volume because their listening has become ‘detuned’ — a little fuzzy. Matching TV volume to a conversational level can help you catch every word when talking with others.

With this, I would like to address you all my very warmest wishes for the year 2009, wishing full hartedly it will bring you closer to Emotional Intelligence.

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