It has suddenly dawned to me that all this time I have been writing about Emotional Intelligence – EI –

Without ever actually supplying to my friends and readers a simple definition of what it is, in a very simple way.

By training and taste for explaining how things work, I have a tendency to systematically bring a scientific dimension to my work. But I think I need to consider the theory I always apply when I do not understand a concept or an application: “Talk to me as if I was a 6 years old” And then, out of complexity, I can redefine the concept.

Allow me this nutshell:

The essence of Emotional Intelligence is having your Emotions work for you and not against you.

Being Emotionally Intelligent involves tuning into emotions, understanding them and taking appropriate actions.

And please do not think that you can avoid, ignore or even suppress your emotions as physiologically, any action is only taken after being filtered through our emotional brain. This where we store all our memories, and this is the tollgate to all our analysis, thoughts, and human decision process. In other words… We make all our choices after having processed the information through our set of emotions.

So the question, do we choose to make them work for us or against us?

A lot of motivational speakers tell us how we are suppose to be positive or influential or leaders…. And they tell us how we need to give ourselves a big pat on the back and tell ourselves how great and amazing we are., how when there is a will there is a way etc..

I feel we need to go deeper in ourselves first… we need to understand what makes us tick, how we are wired, and only then, when we have discovered ourselves, the “real self”, not the corporate or the “I want to be one”, then only we can start to find the strength to lead ourselves and then eventually to lead others. Any effort prior to this mapping is only tainted by a lot of defense mechanism on which our subconscious mind is focusing hence your brain is only reacting to situations outside in, rather then being proactive, inside out.. Only the true you can win and can gain in power, confidence and influencing skills.

Do you ever walk into a room where you notice a person who is attractive, physically (and it has nothing to do with esthetics) as well as psychologically, someone who attentively listens to you, smiles in a true way, in a way that gives you the will to smile and to open yourself to share and to listen. This person is tagged with attributes of charisma and charm. You are attracted by this person because he or she is willing to share and to care, because that person does not have all those little devils on his shoulder telling him to take precautions, to set barriers or to listen to preconceived ideas or prejudices.

This person very certainly would score high on the EQ scale (the measurement for Emotional Intelligence)

The bad news, is that we cannot become Emotionally Intelligent after having read Daniel Goleman, or even after having attended to my work-shops (thank God, otherwise, my career would be short lived!)

It takes time, discipline, realization, self-control and a lot of motivation.

The good news: We can all do it… One step at a time. The first step being that of self realization. This is probably the hardest thing to do, but it can be done. You cannot re-wire your brain, but you can outsmart it and learn how to make this amazing complex piece of machinery work for you instead of against you.

In line with this effort, you will see your leadership, your productivity, your creativity, and your peace of mind increase dramatically. This is a life long effort, but most importantly a life changing operation.

Imagine what Emotional Intelligence can do to you.

Imagine what Emotional Intelligence can do to your organization…

I hope this has opened your mind a bit on this amazing skill, and that you will all look forward to participating in this quest for success, happiness and realization, which is within everyone’s reach.

Dr. JP Bonnifay
CEO & Lead Consultant
HPI Sdn. Bhd.